I sent this in am email to Express earlier today. I wanted to share with everyone, and see if others share my plight.

To Whom It May Concern,

Express makes a superb-fitting, great-looking product. I find the Extra Slim Fit 1MX shirts are the only dress shirts in all of the tristate area that fit me properly. In fact, the shirts made such an impression on me that after looking at my reflection in your Smithaven Mall fitting room mirror, I decided to buy 12 of the shirts (in addition to several ties, pairs of socks, sweaters and a jacket.) In all, I spent close to $900 … and was pleased with every penny spent.

The reaction I received at work for my new and improved attire was unanimously positive. My superiors commented on my improved, new look, and co-workers complimented me on my style.

In fact, I’ve enjoyed wearing the clothing so much, that I’ve considered going with an Express suit for my August wedding. Between the size and style, I think it’d make for terrific wedding photos, and it would make me wife-to-be smile.

I wish this note could be completely positive, but alas, there is an issue I have experienced with your shirts. And it’s an issue that after extensive Google research — admittedly, I typed in a search while walking into work, read the Top 10 links, and decided the scientific process was complete — affects countless other pointy-elbowed Americans:

Your shirts can’t handle us.

I never knew that my elbows were pointy until my fiancee pointed it out several years ago. Since then, I’ve heard me elbows referred to as “Hellbows” on basketball courts, I’ve gotten them caught in fences — as gruesome as it sounds — while playing softball, and most recently and heartbreaking, they’ve torn through the sleeves of my Express shirts.

I’m not the only person in the country with exceptionally pointed elbows. And many fit and thin Americans deal with this problem on a daily basis. While it’d be easy to tell us, “Try a different shirt,” the fact of the matter is that your shirts are the only ones that comfortably — and stylishly — fit us.

I’ve weighed the idea of asking my dry cleaner — don’t worry, I wouldn’t soil Express shirts in the neighborhood laundromat; dry-clean only! — to put patches on the elbow, but do I want to compromise the attractiveness of the shirt? Never!

The other option would be to buy more shirts. But considering how little I’ve worn each shirt, — just a handful of times each — my modest income, and the fact that I’m planning for a wedding in August, finances wouldn’t allow it.

I’d love for you to advise me on a direction to go from here. Do I go for the patches? Do I give up on Express shirts? Is there a way to modify my personal elbows to better be equipped for Express material? Any help you could offer would be incredibly appreciated, and I can promise you that I would pass on advice my pointy-elbowed brethren.

Best,
Bobby Bonett

P.S. The ties, socks, jacket and sweaters that were purchased are still in beautiful quality. Though, granted, both the ties and socks avoid my elbows, my jacket deals with the wrath of my elbow just 30 minutes a day, and there is still time for my elbows to wage war on my sweaters.